I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
