I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize