He is an equal opportunity slut.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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