My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
