i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
