Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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