The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
