Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
