I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
