I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
