you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize