I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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