At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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