I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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