alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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