She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
