Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
