Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
