And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
