Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
