the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
