so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
