remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
