when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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