wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize