drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
