The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
