my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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