bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
