Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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