His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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