i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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