i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
how does that bad decision feel?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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