oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
