youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
