The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
