I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize