I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
