god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
