Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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