The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
