I can tuck mytits in my pants
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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