this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
