Hey man sorry I got all grabby
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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