DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You brought string cheese to the strip club
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
