I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
