its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
