I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
