C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
