found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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