she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Randomize
