No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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