Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
