then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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