You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
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You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
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Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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