kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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