Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
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She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
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Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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