and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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