i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
