Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
