The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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