Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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