just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
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just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
There's always time for handjobs
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
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You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.