Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
21 ‘Don’t Say It’ Tweets That Are Gonna Get Said Every Damn Time
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.