dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
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I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
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She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
All I want is dick and wine.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it