im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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