I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.