There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw