I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
