Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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