You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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