no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
