I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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