As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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