just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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