this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Randomize
